


Precious Metals

by fictionalfoibles



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic), Questionable Content (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Artificial Intelligence, Canon Trans Character, Crossover, Derek "Nursey" Nurse is Unchill, F/F, F/M, Gay Robots, Gen, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Dex, Pining, Robot/Human Relationships, Slow Burn, Trans Female Character, it's an angsty sci fi mystery and also somehow a comedy maybe, this is a legit tag? i'm screaming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 02:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17613710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalfoibles/pseuds/fictionalfoibles
Summary: Dex will do anything for his anthro-pc, Helix, even if it means shelling out an insane amount of money to get a top of the line chassis for him. Claire and Clinton try to mend fences with a cousin from their estranged dad's side of the family. Elliot is not a fan of the stupidly attractive hockey bros suddenly invading his hometown, especially the one making the moves on his crush. Faye and Bubbles become the object of interest to yet another curious group. Pintsize vows not to terrorize Helix, but that remains to be seen. Marten just wants to know how the hell everyone at Samwell apparently has a cousin in Northampton because that's just bizarre, right???And Derek Nurse is starting to realize his feelings for Dex are more than just a simple crush....Too bad he’s also starting to realize Nursey might not be exactly…normal.(ACheck, Please!/Questionable Contentcrossover! No prior knowledge ofQCnecessary to enjoy fic. Please read notes. WIP.)





	Precious Metals

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading _Questionable Content_ on and off since about 2005, and since _Check, Please!_ has reignited my love for webcomics this past year, I really wanted to write a fun, fluffy crossover ficlet. In my head, it's become an emotional sci fi epic and I am already loving and regretting it. This is a WIP, probably going to be 4-6 parts in total, if I want to remain sane.
> 
> You don't have to have read _Questionable Content_ to enjoy, but it's always a bonus. (But obviously some of the characters, plot, relationships in this fic are spoilers if you ever do read, but eh.) In a nut shell: it's an ongoing slice-of-life modern rom-com involving lots of indie music references and jokes about butts, centered around a group of friends in their 20s. And happens to be set in a world where humans and AI coexist. So this fic is very much "what would happen if the SMH gang lived in this reality?"
> 
> Title from Sleeping At Last’s “Mercury.”
> 
> If you'd like to be my beta PLEASE PLEASE let met know. LORD KNOWS I NEED ONE.
> 
> ~
> 
>  **This chapter** : _Nursey suggests a day trip to Northampton. What could go wrong?_

Caitlin’s in the haus kitchen with Chowder and Dex when Nursey arrives. Bitty’s there too, but Bitty’s always either in the kitchen or about to be, like it’s a given. And Dex is acting _weird_ —Caitlin’s at one end of the table and Dex is at the other, and Dex is leaning forward, eyes set on Caitlin, cup of coffee on the table in front of him and completely forgotten, as Caitlin happily drones on about her visit to Northampton.

Dex’s eyes are comically wide, almost awed, and Nursey wants to chirp him for it.

“—didn’t even know robots _liked_ tea!" Caitlin is saying. "But yeah, Bubbles turned out surprisingly nice tho? A real gentle giant.”

“That’s _crazy!_ ” Bitty interjects with a disbelieving smile, putting a mug down in front of Caitlin now, and continuing to putter around the kitchen. “I’m gonna have to tell Mama about the tea thing. Apparently there's this anthro-PC at the local library she just _can not_ win over for the life of her! And a _robot_ dating a human? _That’s_ something new for sure!” He pauses for a second, brows drawing together. Nursey must have missed that whole robot dating bit of the conversation. “Right?” Bitty asks, mostly to himself.

“Socially yeah, it’s pretty new,” Dex says mindlessly, like he’s answering a stupid question in class. “But the concept of human-AI relations have been around _way_ before the Singularity.”

“Well I did not know that,” Bitty says, blinking, like it never occurred to him before. Nursey thinks it should. Feels like humans have been banging AI in books and movies forever. Stands to reason society finally caught up, once the tech was there. Once the Singularity made it a little less awkward.

“Anyway,” Dex says impatiently, “ _you_ said you met Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham!” he says, pointing accusingly at Caitlin. “You've been stringing me along for a half hour, Farmer! I need to know why _Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham_ , of all people, would be working as a barista at some random coffee shop in Northampton? It makes no sense!”

“Whoa!" Chowder says, astonished. "Babe, you met an Ellicott-Chatham?! That's 'swawesome!” he exclaims, a brilliant smile on his face.

“Why were you in Northampton?” Nursey chooses to ask, because he missed the first part of the conversation apparently and he doesn’t know who the Ellicott-Chathams are and thus doesn’t care at all about their comings and goings. But Northampton's cool.

Caitlin smiles at him. “Away game at Smif,” she says. “After the game, some of the Smif girls invited us out for coffee and w–”

“He doesn’t need to know the backstory! Nursey, go away!” Dex says, sticking his arm out and trying to shoo Nursey away without even looking at him, and managing to wack him in the thigh for his effort.

“ _Chill_ , Poindexter I was just–”

“Ya’ll need to calm down this minute or else–”

“Wait, they sell tea _and_ coffee at Coffee of Doom?”

“Wha–Chowder, why does it matter if they sell tea _and_ coffee?” Dex sighs. “What kind of question is that? Even Dunkin' has tea _and_ coffee!”

“Actually…” Caitlin hedges. “Chris’ question is pretty valid? Coffee of Doom's known for, like, _antagonizing_ their customers? But in a cool way? Like, if you walk into their shop and order a smoothie, they’ll smash up a banana in the peel right in front of you on the counter and throw it in a glass of milk, or if you’re a regular sometimes the baristas will give you a weird nickname, or if you order something they think is stupid they’ll say it’s a stupid order and make you something completely different! They did that to me and I kind of felt really special?”

Nursey’s kinda interested in how this business gets by operating in such a strange way, but he also knows there's plenty of quirky establishments in Samwell, too. 

Chowder looks awed, Bitty just looks confused, perhaps slightly horrified, by the idea of purposely terrible customer service and manners, and Dex is just…sighing, his head falling into the nest his arms have made on the table in front of him. “Never mind,” he groans.

“This place sounds intense. We should all go sometime,” Nursey says.

Dex picks his head up at that.

Bitty smiles at him. “With the team, you mean? We rarely play Northampton though.”

Nursey shakes his head. “No I mean, like… just you, me, Dex obvi wants to meet that Ellcott chic—C, how 'bout you? You in?”

“Yeah! That sounds fun!”

“Farms?” Nursey asks.

Caitlin nods. “If you guys are going and you’re sure I won’t be in the way—”

“No! Never!” Chowder gasps, looking almost affronted by the idea of his girlfriend not being welcome.

“Chowder's right, you’re never in the way, darlin’,” Bitty adds. “And yeah, that could be pretty fun, I guess. But! If we _do_ go, it’ll have to be on a non-game weekend, with no practice scheduled. And it’ll be a day trip, so we're up early and come back in time to crawl into our own beds. Got it?”

Nursey boy scout salutes him. “Aye-aye, Cap.”

 

~

 

Later, Dex is downstairs in his basement bedroom, working on Helix, his Windows anthro-PC. Helix is powered down at the moment, getting a _very_ needed firmware update, and while he's inactive Will takes the time to look over Helix's chassis, carefully banging out dents with a small hammer at his work desk. He knows if Helix were awake, he’d be fussy and embarrassed and try to get out of Will fixing him up. The brat.

Despite his faults, Dex can honestly say he loves his anthro-PC. After over a decade together, Helix has become Dex’s best friend and confidant. Even if he's a moody little shit sometimes and purposely makes Dex's life difficult. Dex wouldn’t trade him in for any other AI.

He scoffs, thinking about how weird everyone at Samwell was about anthro-PCs. Or, wait, “companion AI,” since apparently “anthro-PC” wasn’t politically correct anymore after the Singularity hit. Wellies (and everyone in the liberal neighborhoods of New England) thought the term was borderline offensive. Even though the majority of companion AI still call themselves anthro-PCs...

Whatever. It’s not like Dex’s about to fight everyone he meets who thinks he’s some kind of robophobic asshole just because he uses the “wrong” terminology. (Add it to the list of everything else he’s been accused of being since coming to Samwell. The list is long.) 

Actually, when he first got to Samwell, the fact not everyone on campus had an anthro-PC seemed strange to him. He thought if they had enough money to go to Samwell, of all places, then they could probably afford an anth--companion AI. But maybe, if they did, they just didn’t have them on campus. Maybe they thought trying to hook up in a small dorm room with your companion AI _right there_ was a little too much—which would make sense. And those with access to more living space, like upperclassman and grad students, had more companion AI than underclassman, so that would check out. 

But even now as a junior Dex is _still_ in the minority group of Samwell students that have companion AI, full stop. In fact Jack was the only one on the SMH team who had one, too, before he graduated. Now it's just Dex and Helix. 

Helix was the only anthro-PC his family could afford, and Dex was insistent on having one for almost half a decade before his parents finally caved, and brought Dex to the local Anthro-PC Companion Connections center on his 10th birthday and took the pairing test to match him with a compatible sentient computer. His dad co-signed the paperwork after the test stating that Helix was his legal responsibility until Dex turned 18, and then Helix was fitted with the cheapest model chassis they could afford.

Ten years and some months later, and here Dex is, carefully tinkering with the same worn out chassis.

“Just hold out for a little longer, buddy.” He says softly, smiling at the small robot. “I’ve almost got enough saved for that dumb chassis you’re always talking about. You’re not subtle,” he smirks.

“Talkin’ to ‘Lix?”

Dex’s head whips up to Nursey, standing near the top of the stairs, his head just above the highest handrail.

“Kinda,” Dex says. “He’s offline though. He can’t hear me.”

Nursey looks a little surprised—worried maybe? But then he smooths his expression, chill facade effortlessly in place. “He okay?" Nursey asks. "I’ve never seen him offline before. At least not during the day.”

Even with regular updates to his system, Helix still has to be “off” for at least ten hours a day, if he wants to be awake and processing correctly the rest of the time. One time when Dex was in high school Helix overclocked himself and nearly fried his motherboard and Dex freaked the fuck out and made Helix swear to never overclock again. 

He can’t even really help with computing anymore, it’s just too much of a burden, but Dex insists he prefers to use his average non-sentient laptop PC and the Samwell computer lab for his projects and homework. Helix doesn't really believe him, but takes it with as much dignity as he can. 

It figures Nursey's concerned—he’s probably been around advanced AI for most of his life, with his mom being in the industry. (Dex is not jealous. He’s not.) He’s probably never seen anything like Helix, an anthro-PC that has to be bullied into getting enough hours of what Dex calls “digital REM.” (Most nights the stupid idiot won’t be persuaded into powering down and charging for the night until Dex himself goes to bed, which is such a pain, honestly.)

“Yeah, he’s fine. He just needed an update. It takes a while.”

“Chill,” Nursey says. And hesitates on the stairs.

“Were you…coming down for a reason?” Dex asks. “Laundry?”

Nursey shakes his head out of the clouds. Wherever he wandered off to. “Nah, I’m good,” he says. “Bitty says dinner's in 5. We're gonna plan for this weekend.”

Ah. This weekend. Right.

“I’ll be right up,” he says. Nursey nods and leaves.

Dex wonders absently if he can make $50 bucks magically appear in the next two days. It sucks he’s _this_ close to having enough saved for the chassis of Helix’s dreams _and_ they’ll be in Northampton in two days. 

Boston has similar chassis shops, sure, better ones even, with probably the same chassis models. But Will really wants to take Helix with him and the guys. And if they’re actually going to meet Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham, the daughter of the freaking _God of AI_ , who just happens to live in Northampton what-even-are-the-chances, seriously, then he knows Helix would want to look his best. 

But. It can’t be helped.

 

~

 

In the end they all pile into Caitlin’s car, the only one of them with not just a vehicle but enough leg space to accommodate five bodies, two of them over 6ft. And one small anthro-PC, who elects to sit in the trunk and be on standby mode so he's fully charged for the long day ahead. Nursey finds it adorable.

It reminds him of the first time he met Helix. How, at the time, he didn’t really like Dex at all.

No. That's an understatement. At first? He downright _hated_ Dex. He always seemed to be in a bad mood, bitter about something or another, and uptight to the point of literally ruining everyone else's fun. Plus, Dex seemed to be the epitome of a close-minded, sexist, homophobic, Republican douchebag.

That's what he believed to be true. Until he met Helix.

Nursey didn’t even _know_ Dex had a companion AI, and honestly it was kind of a shock given Dex’s constant complaints of not having enough money for things and Dex’s…well, everything else.

But then one day after practice, as they all were getting off the ice, they heard the clang-clang-clang of metal against hard flooring coming towards them from somewhere around the rink. Then Helix came running up, one heavy foot after another, barely 14 inches tall, his basic facial articulation displaying some kind of anxiety, and yelling, “Billy! _Biiiillly!_ ”

Dex looked at the small robot in a shock akin to dread, then had the freaking _audacity_ to look irritated, almost enraged by his presence. “What the hell are you doing outside the dorms?” Dex asked angrily, and Nursey was five seconds away from laying into this entitled asshole verbally abusing an AI just because he was a human and somehow superior, like the robot had no feelings at all, and seriously why hadn't Shitty interjected yet with one of his most popular refrains, 'don't you know it’s the fucking Singularity, man?' because if there ever was a time for politics it was now, and--“You’re not supposed to be running around on those legs, Helix! You _know_ I still have to reset the joint springs! Are you trying to get yourself damaged?”

And. 

Oh?

Nursey hadn’t really seen Dex… _care_ about anything before? Aside from hockey or his schoolwork. But this was something different. Something completely...enlightening.

“I’m _not_ sorry,” the little robot said defiantly, in a high, mechanical voice that should have been grating, but wasn’t. “You’ve been waiting on this letter and I wanted to ensure you actually got it ASAP,” he said. Dex had pushed off his helmet and crouched near the robot, who handed him an envelope. Nursey saw Dex give the robot a disapproving look, like a long-suffering parent. 

“You could have just texted me. Did you forget you’re linked to my phone?” he said while slipping on his blade guards.

“You know I hate that phone. And you have class in a half hour. Actually, twenty-six minutes now. You would have rushed to the dorms and been late for class. Instead, I have brought you the letter! Thank me!” he demanded, and Dex sighed and scooped him up in his arms.

“Thank you,” he said grudgingly, rolling his eyes. “Next time though, just text me. You could have been kidnapped walking across campus,” he said, walking off to the changing rooms.

“I’m old. Who’d wanna kidnap me?”

“Exactly. You’re old. Defenseless. Who knows if your safety protocols even work anymore.”

“You worry too much.”

“You're right. It's way more likely you'd fall into the river crossing the bridge," Dex sighed. "And now I gotta bring you to class.”

“It’s fine. I’ll just sit quietly in the backpack.”

“You? Sit _quietly?_ ”

“It’s been known to happen!”

“Yeah, like before the _Singularity_ , maybe!”

“You’re a rude boy, William Poindexter. Don't make me return you to the human store.”

Their banter trailed off down the hall to the locker room, but some of the guys were still on the ice, speechless.

“Did you guys know Dex had an AI?” Wicky asked, scratching his head.

“I know he was majoring in compsci? Or something?” Ransom said. “I just got the vibe he was more into coding and _using_ computers than he was interacting with _sentient_ ones. Huh. Guess I was wrong.”

“We all kinda were,” Nursey had added.

 

In the car, Dex is trying to discretely check something on his phone while excited conversation flows.

“I am just learning _so much_ right now!” Bitty says, on his phone too, crammed in-between Nursey and Dex in the back because as the smallest, he’s resigned himself to his fate. “Did you know Northampton has its own robot police unit? And one of the largest companion AI to human ratios on the east coast? The _country_ , even?”

"How did I not know that?" Chowder blinks from the passenger seat. "I study human-AI relations?" he says, as if doubting his whole academic career. 

“They have a lot of robot-specialty businesses too,” Dex adds, still staring at his phone. And biting down on his lip.

Which. Shouldn’t be as distracting as Nursey definitely thinks it is.

“Really?” Bitty prods.

Dex nods absently. “If we have time I wanna check out Union Robotics with Helix,” he says.

“I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time!” Bitty says cheerily. “That’s why I wanted us to leave so early. I’ve got my downtown foodie crawl all thought out, too, thanks to the internet and those Smif girls who insisted we check out a few places. I definitely wanna go to that Secret Bakery! Then if we have time, the Northampton Robotics Museum, since Northampton's such a social hub and all, then dinner with the boys and Lardo when they get in,” Ransom, Holster, Shitty and Lardo immediately wanted in when they heard about the trip on the SMH text group, “and then a short—SHORT—pub crawl. I’ll DD going home, but we’re not staying past midnight!” Bitty warns them all again. “Anyway, we got out so early today, it shouldn’t be a problem to see whatever we want! What kind of place is Union Robotics?”

Dex shrugs, but answers, “they do robot repair, mainly chassis-work. Structural damage. That kind of stuff.”

“Oh,” Bitty says. Lower, “is Helix okay, Dex?”

Nursey would almost smile if he wasn’t also a little concerned. They’ve all known Helix for years now, and the Samwell Men’s Hockey team absolutely adores him. No one else on the team save for Jack had their own companion AI, but Puck was never as social as Helix, preferring the company of just Jack or Shitty while at Samwell, so Helix was adopted by the team as a kind of mascot-slash-little-brother.

“He’s fine,” Dex sighs. “I wish I could get him a new chassis, but I can’t afford the one he wants yet. To be honest, if we weren’t using sin bin money for this trip, I probably wouldn’t have come.” He says, scratching his neck uncomfortably. “I’m trying to pinch pennies. But he really needs to get his current chassis looked at by a pro if he’s gonna get any more mileage out of it.”

“Aw, sorry to hear that,” Bitty says, because he knows if he says anything else—mentions maybe, perhaps, that the team could pool some money together, that it wouldn’t be any trouble if it’s for Helix—Dex would shut that conversation down immediately. He had before. Nursey thought it was Dex’s pride getting in the way, at first. But later—now? He thinks it’s more to do with Dex’s sense of responsibility. And that’s admirable. Dex really wants to prove he can provide for Helix, and, yet again, Nursey is a _little_ distracted by the thought of responsible, thoughtful Dex.

The drive doesn’t take too long, and soon they’re downtown, trying to find a garage that won’t charge some insane amount of cash for a day in the city. Thankfully the Smif College girls gave them a few tips.

Dex packs a powered-down Helix into his backpack, knowing he’d want to be fully awake and alert until the minute Dex hits mattress later, and that was still a long way off. Bitty's wearing a cross-body bag he _swears_ doesn’t have pies in it, so obviously it does.

They start walking down one of the main streets, passing through some of Smif’s campus. Chowder and Farmer are walking slightly ahead, hand in hand, and Bitty’s somewhere in the middle, snapping pictures of the architecture and taking group candids with his phone. Dex and Nursey trail behind. Even off the ice the idea of not running “defense” in an unfamiliar city is incomprehensible to them. It’s implied they’re gonna watch everyone’s backs today as they go about town.

They’re passing by a beautiful building, the Smif campus library, it seems, and Nursey is making small talk with Dex, mostly “so who is this Hanner El Chatman, anyway?” to which Dex is huffily replying “it’s Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham and you'd know who she is if you bothered to _google_!” when all of a sudden it happens.

Two people come out of the library holding hands—a dark haired guy with blue eyes and a slightly punky-looking redhead girl—and when the girl sees their group, she halts in her tracks, yanking the man to a stop by their linked hands.

She’s staring at Dex.

“ _Will_?” she says.

Will turns to look at her. Blinks a few times. His brow furrows. “I’m sorry, do I—uh. Are we—” he starts, and yeah, _are we related_ seems like an appropriate follow up to Nursey. There can't be too many people in New England with hair _that_ vibrantly red. Plus they do kind of look similar.

Her boyfriend’s(?) eyes dart back and forth between the girl and Dex's group apprehensively. Nursey thinks he can take him in a fight, if it came down to it. Nursey's more of a lover than a fighter, but he’s got at least 40lbs and 5 inches on this guy.

“It’s, uh,” she starts. “It’s Claire?” she says, biting her lip. The guy she’s with looks even more nervous now, when Nursey hears Claire's nearly inaudible murmur of “ _oh my god this was a bad idea…_ ” Boyfriend-guy squeezes her hand in a show of support.

“Claire?” Dex says, very clearly confused. Nursey can almost _see_ the gears turning in his head. Then Dex’s eyebrows shoot up in dumbfounded surprise. "Oh. _Clare—_ ”

“CLAIRE, YES,” the girl, Claire, states loudly, with a nervous yet determined steely tone to her voice. “THAT IS MY COMPLETELY FULL FIRST NAME,” she emphasizes, almost staring him down. It feels like a really weird standoff. Nursey wonders if he needs step in and physically defend his fellow D-man. He could probably take shrimpy guy, but this girl? Even though far shorter and slighter than her boyfriend, he doesn’t think he could take her if she were, like, _really_ determined.

Dex's still looking a bit stunned, his mouth slightly parted, like he's made up his mind to say something, but doesn’t know yet what that something will be. Nursey’s hardly ever seen him lost for words before.

“O-okay,” he says, blinking a few times. Then he smiles shakily, weakly at her. His eyes look soft and careful. “Yeah. _Of course._ Hey, Claire. Uh, sorry I didn’t recognize you with the…” Claire’s shoulders rise imperceptibly, her eyes still locked on Dex, expecting some kind of challenge. “Big hair,” Dex finishes. “And the piercings.” She smiles at him then, and her eyes look a little shiny. “I didn’t know you went to Smif?” he adds.

“Yeah,” she says, letting go of the guy’s hand and moving toward their group, who have been silently watching this exchange. Bitty is in peak Mom Friend mode, ready to pounce if the situation goes poorly, smiling his best Stepford smile at the two as they approach. “I actually work at the library—for now. I’m almost done with grad school. Library science.”

Dex grins. “Yeah, that fits with what I remember.”

Bitty clears his throat softly, and when the everyone turns their attention to him, he smiles innocently. “Sorry. Had a tickle,” he says, fooling absolutely no one. It does release the rest of the tension though, and people start laughing.

“Sorry, I’m being really rude, aren’t I?” Claire says. “I’m Will’s cousin Claire. Claire Augustus," she says, glancing at Will and passing some kind of information only Will might be privy to. "I haven’t seen Will in, what, like...nine, ten years?"

"Sounds about right." Dex adds.

“Well," Bitty says. "I’m Eric. Bitty to these guys, and you both, if you’d like,” he chirps. “This is Derek, Chris, and his lovely girlfriend Caitlin. Will, Derek, Chris and I play hockey over at Samwell. Caitlin just had a volleyball game here against Smif a couple weeks back and she was raving about the wild time she had in Northampton, so now we're here visiting!” Bitty explains.

“Well, if you guys need a tour from a local, I’d be happy to show you around,” says the dark haired guy, stepping close to Claire and putting his arm around her waist. It seems like a natural move, but also something particularly comforting, considering how the girl’s remaining tenseness seems to melt at the reassuring touch. “I’m Marten, Claire’s boyfriend,” he says easily, but he looks a little tense to Nursey. But maybe that’s how he always looks?

“Nice to meet you, Marten. And that’s real sweet of you. We have a list, but it would sure help if you'd narrow it down a bit!”

“Oh yeah, totally. Where were you guys thinking of going first? We were just heading to our friend’s coffee shop, actually. It’s right up the road." He says, looking at his girlfriend for some confirmation. 

She gives the slightest little nod of approval, and smiles happily at the group, "Yeah guys, come to Coffee of Doom with us!"

Bitty looks at Dex, waiting on his answer. “Is that the one where the baristas yell at the customers?” Dex adds, knowing full well it is.

Marten smiles brightly while Claire adds, “ah, you seem to have been properly warned. Good,” she laughs. “Shall we?”

“Hey Marten, Claire!" Chowder asks while they're making small talk on their way to the coffee shop. "Is it true the robot police had to shut down a robot fighting ring in Northampton last year?” 

“Uh,” Marten hedges.

“Um…” Claire adds.

“Pretty sure that’s just a rumor! Haha,” Marten laughs, fake as hell, but he's probably not trying too hard to hide it. “Northampton’s _weird_.”

**Author's Note:**

> With apologies to anyone who actually lives in Northampton?? But don't blame me, blame Jeph Jacques. 
> 
> Your kudos are my food, and comments are my water... LET ME _LIVE_.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr @[indefinitelyacerbic](https://indefinitelyacerbic.tumblr.com/)


End file.
